


Whatever Gets Me Closer to You

by alecmagnuslwb



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Communication, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, cause it's important to me, white streak y incision face scar jason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:08:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26581177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alecmagnuslwb/pseuds/alecmagnuslwb
Summary: Roy is practically an open book, but Jason is a locked safe, until he isn’t. aka five times Jason opened up to Roy and one time Roy had to open up to Jason of sorts.
Relationships: Roy Harper/Jason Todd
Comments: 16
Kudos: 187





	Whatever Gets Me Closer to You

**Author's Note:**

> Title pulled from the Adam Lambert song Closer to You, which is a new feature on my [JayRoy playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3x3gBOjo4FItxK4X8qoAom?si=NAnSI-oLRka-69fGuI-ybA).

**1**

Roy is for all intents and purposes an open book. Even some of his darkest depths are public knowledge or least superhero community knowledge. From the heavier stuff like his struggles with addiction and his upbringing from the reservation to a millionaire’s home to the lighter things like his undying love for Carly Rae Jepsen music and how he plays it on stakeouts much to the chagrin of Jason, Donna and any other super who’s had the delightful pleasure of going on a stakeout with him.

It’s just all kind of out there, whether he wanted it to be or not. He’s learned to roll with that reality, not being one to hold back, he’s cried in front of more people than he’s cried alone and if he needs a damn hug he’s gonna ask for one.

Jason is damn near the opposite. He guards his secrets like Gollum with the one ring, just he’s way cuter. Their friendship and partnership starts out with a wall built up so high Roy’s not sure he’ll ever know more than the surface Jason, the mask he wears in public with a little bit of bonus due to constant proximity. It’s a worrying imbalance considering Jason knows damn near everything about Roy, more than he probably wants to with the way Roy goes on and on sometimes, but as time passes and Jason seems to put more and more trust in him that changes.

It’s late they’re both a little more bruised than they were when the night started, both still half dressed in their gear and stuffed with the two full large pizzas they’d picked up on the way home efficiently scaring a poor pizza guy in the process.

They should probably both go to bed but instead they’re swapping dumbass stories about growing up in the homes of two of the most prevalent vigilantes in the world in the blue light of the television some cooking show they’re both ignoring a soft sound in the background.

“And that’s why this one,” he says pointing to the long slice along his arm that he received while trying to make late night tacos in Wayne manor without waking Alfred when he was 13, Dick insisting that if they turned on any lights they’d be caught. “Is entirely Grayson’s fault.”

Jason snorts. “God, that’s stupid.”

“He’s _your_ brother,” Roy says pointedly.

“Yeah, exactly I have no choice but to get saddled with him, you chose to be his friend and do dumb shit like that,” Jason says turning his head to look at Roy. The light of the television catches in his grey eyes and lights the white streak in his hair up blue. He’s entrancing and Roy really doesn’t have time to unpack those burgeoning thoughts right now so he just clears his throat and laughs.

“You’re telling me you’ve got no scars courtesy of following along on a Dick Grayson idea?” he says tilting his head. Jason shakes his head.

“Most of my scars don’t have stories that are so fun,” Jason says lightly though it’s not a light thing at all. Roy’s eyes immediately fall to the scar that trails along his cheek from the corner of his lips to his ear. He moves his eyes away quickly hoping Jason didn’t notice, but he does. Being raised by the greatest detective in the world means you don’t miss a thing. He usually appreciates that about Jason, but right now he wishes he didn’t see Roy’s little slip up. He never wants to push him by asking questions too soon or staring too much.

Jason turns his head facing the tv again, the scar faces Roy more head on now, the light from the tv catching on the deep white line of it too.

“You know everyone assumes I got that one from the fucker with the crowbar,” Jason starts and Roy holds his breath. Jason sounds so vulnerable and Roy isn’t about to open his mouth and stop him. “I mean I’m sure it got a little worse after him, but it was actually some asshole that my mom was dating that did the real damage,” he explains putting the word dating in air quotes.

“She was using again,” he pauses looking at Roy silently asking for permission to talk about that particular subject. He knows all about Roy’s struggles, more than most do really because Roy loves to talk and Jason’s been the prime person on the receiving end of it all these last few months. Roy nods, he wants to hear this, he wants to know Jason better, maybe better than anyone else does.

“And he was supplying,” he carries on after the nod and turns back to facing the tv. Willing to talk, but not willing to look at Roy while he does just yet. That’s okay, Roy can wait. “I mouthed off at him one night, I knew I shouldn’t have I was still pretty scrawny back then and he was a good four times my size and mean as hell, but I was angry enough not to care. He got so mad he pulled an old pipe off the wall and hit me across the face with it I don’t know how many times.”

Jason keeps staring ahead, pausing to take a collecting breath, but continuing on. “Mom was too strung out to even notice it happened, so I ran to our neighbors, the nice old lady who gave me cookies and her daughter the stripper who always gave me a few bucks for helping her get the groceries upstairs even though I’d have done it for free.”

“They cleaned me up, but I never got any proper medical attention on it,” he turns his face back to Roy with a sardonic smile, the tough as nails Jason Todd mask back up. “Which is why I’m so handsome now.”

 _You are_ , Roy wants to say but doesn’t because now is not the time at all. He takes the opportunity presented to him to ask a question however.

“Wait, but when you were Robin,” he starts and Jason knows what he’s asking.

“Makeup,” he says with a shrug. “You know how Bruce is, no identifiable marks visible, why do you think it bugs him so much I run with a guy who wears no sleeves and has a slew of obvious tattoos on his arms.”

He gives that smile again and Roy just rolls his eyes. He’s not sure what to do about Jason’s confession, he wants to reach out and comfort him, but he’s not sure that’s the move. Jason’s not big on touch, but Roy has been crossing those delicate lines, seemingly the only person allowed to cross those lines with light friendly touches here and there. Now doesn’t feel like the time to leap even further over those lines and hug him though so he refrains and settles for just bumping his elbow into Jason’s side.

“Nobody gets tattoos to hide them, Batman can get over it,” he says with a fake haughty attitude shimmying his shoulders.

Jason guffaws. “Bet you wouldn’t say that to his face,” he says with a wry twist of his lips once he’s collected himself.

“Hell no, I don’t have a death wish,” he says turning his attention back to the tv before tacking on a quiet statement. “Thanks for telling me.”

Roy catches Jason roll his eyes out of the corner of his eye.

“Yeah, yeah,” he says brushing it aside, but smiling just a bit.

**2**

After a hell of a mission that damn near kills them both Roy realizes Jason hasn’t slept in nearly four days and berates him endlessly. Eventually Jason caves and gets some damn sleep. Jason is out well into the evening the next day and Roy has no intentions of disturbing him. 

He’s working on dinner when he hears the shouts, muffled and unintelligible through the walls. He flicks off the burners on the stove and runs to Jason’s room his bow in hand, an arrow knocked and ready in an instant. He bursts into the bedroom checking every corner and only finds Jason sitting upright back ramrod straight, a sheen of sweat across his exposed skin and his grey t-shirt soaked. His eyes look vacant, angry and shattered all at the same time.

Once he’s confirmed there’s no immediate physical danger Roy slowly lowers his bow, careful not to spook Jason with any sudden movements. He lays it on the ground silently before making his way over to Jason. He gingerly sits on the edge of the bed close enough to Jason to stop him from doing anything rash and far enough away to give him space.

“Jaybird,” he says softly. “You’re okay, whatever it was it wasn’t real. You’re here, you’re real, you’re with me.” It’s a mantra he’s had to put out there a few times, Jason has a fair share of nightmares about a fair share of things, but it’s been a long time since he’s woken up yelling. They’ve been at this whole Outlaws thing together for nearly a year and it’s been at least since their second month he’s had to really step in for Jason in a moment like this.

Jason takes a long deep breath in and lets it out just like Roy taught him. Roy’s not exactly a stranger to nightmares either. His are just pretty much centered around using, Jason’s are a slew of horrendous things on a feedback loop.

Jason works on his breathing a few more times before the tension in his back loosens and he stops gripping the sheets so hard that he’s nearly tearing them apart. Roy feels confident enough to scoot closer and reach out now rubbing a hand up and down Jason’s back not caring about the sweat soaking through the shirt.

“Fuck,” Jason breathes out after a few minutes the tension seeping out of him almost completely. And then like a puppet whose strings have been cut he just collapses into Roy’s chest. Roy’s proud of himself when he doesn’t stiffen in surprise. He’s snuck in a few bro hugs over their time together, but this is definitely new.

Jason’s forehead rests on Roy’s shoulder, his own shoulder resting on Roy’s strong chest for support. Roy keeps rubbing his one hand up and down Jason’s back and brings the other around him.

They stay that way for a long while and Roy manages to refrain from losing his mind and doing something like dropping a kiss into Jason’s hair no matter how badly he wants to.

Eventually Jason pulls back and rubs harshly at his face.

“Fuck,” he says again dropping his hands into his lap and staring at them for a moment before tentatively looking up and meeting Roy’s eyes. “Sorry about that,” he says.

Roy waves the apology away.

“It’s more than fine, are you okay?” he asks reaching out and lightly brushing his hand down Jason’s arm. Jason doesn’t move away from the touch, he’s been doing that more and more lately leaning into Roy’s touch, Roy’s worried he’s reading way too much into it.

Jason nods. “Yeah, better now, thanks to you,” he says his voice as vulnerable and open as his actions had been when he’d collapsed into Roy. He clears his throat. “I guess the lack of sleep caught up with my nightmares too. Seems like sleeping every day _is_ important.”

He smiles a little as he repeats Roy’s words to him from the day before back at him and Roy snorts.

“Yeah, I wonder who told you that,” he replies sarcastically. Jason runs a hand through his hair with a smile that’s a little brighter than the one before and shuffles around and out of bed heading for the door. He pauses in the doorway and turns back to face Roy.

“Really though, thank you Roy, I know I can be a lot to deal with sometimes,” he says holding onto the doorframe.

Roy shakes his head in disagreement.

“If you’re a lot to deal with then so am I and you still put up with me, so I’m gonna do the same for you,” he says holding Jason’s eyes firmly. “I’m your best friend, man, you don’t have to thank me for caring so damn much about you.”

He worries he’s said too much, Jason’s eyes bugging a bit for a moment clearly showing that despite the fact Roy’s stuck around this long and said as much before he’s a little stunned at the simple fact Roy cares. Eventually he nods in understanding and breaks away walking out the door.

Roy falls back onto the bed as soon as Jason’s gone and let’s out a deep breath grateful that Jason is opening up more and more lately, but worried about the way his own feelings seem to just keep slipping out of him. 

**3**

The shift from partners to friends to boyfriends isn’t as difficult as Roy expected it to be. Nearly a year and half of building tension culminates and adapting to it is weirdly easy. They already live together, share most of their meals together and have a joint bank account there’s just the new fun addition of kissing, hand holding and other good stuff.

Not that there’s been a lot of the other stuff. They may have started with high octane confessions at 150 miles per hour after a mission, yelling at each other about nearly getting killed that led to a series of ridiculously hot and burning kisses and rooftop blowjobs, but they’re taking it slow now, as slow as Jason needs. He’s not exactly a blushing virgin, but when you die at 15 and never really get to figure yourself out and then suddenly realize you are definitely very much gay and in love with your best friend it’s a bit of a transition.

That’s the lesser reason however, their pace has been more set by the fact that Jason has scars he’s not ready for Roy to see. At first Roy didn’t think it could be that big of deal, he’s scarred to hell himself, the little marks along his arms the ones he’s least proud of by far. But then one night when Roy’s hands had wandered up under Jason’s t-shirt and Jason had stopped his hands from moving inward or up it clicked.

Jason had a y-incision scar. He lied awake that night with Jason sound asleep beside him feeling so stupid that it had never occurred to him. Jason had died. Not by some mystical hand and not for a few minutes, he’d died a bloody violent death, he was embalmed and buried and brought back. The pit may bring you back, but it doesn’t heal all the scars that death leaves behind.

It’s a little surprising he’s never caught a glimpse of it. Despite their shared spaces before they were a couple and constant stitching each other’s injuries up, he’s never seen Jason shirtless. He’s formed a healthy vision of what that looks like based on the tight under armor shirts he wears beneath his gear, but he’s never seen the real version once. Not an accidental run in from the shower or a day on the beach, Jason’s shirts has always stayed on, even insisting on taking care of any injuries that would require him to remove his shirt on his own.

Again Roy feels so stupid that it never clicked.

He vows to keep his hands below the belt after that, no innuendo intended, until Jason is comfortable.

Evidently Jason is comfortable not too long after that night. They’re on Jason’s bed, which has since become their bed really, the only thing separating them from full skin to skin contact is their briefs and Jason’s shirt. They’re both on their knees already so close together and trying to get closer. Between the heat of one kiss and another Roy’s hands are under Jason’s shirt firmly placed on his hips not daring to move up any further.

Jason moves his mouth down to Roy’s neck and his hands to Roy’s own urging them up higher. It takes every bit of strength in his body to pull back from Jason’s lips on his neck at the movement, but he manages somehow.

He meets Jason’s eyes as Jason tries in vain to chase after his lips, the question obvious in them.

Jason lets out a little disappointed noise that nearly breaks Roy’s resolve. He’s not trying to make a big deal out of this because it isn’t a big deal physically at least to Roy, but it is a big deal to Jason mentally.

“I know you’ve figured it out already, why I’m so weird about being shirtless, so might as well get it over with,” Jason says pushing Roy’s hands up higher. If he looked down he knows he’d see the start of the scar, but his eyes stay fixed on Jason’s.

“I don’t want to just get it over with,” Roy says moving his hands back down to Jason’s hips. Jason’s own hands fall to the side. “I want to know you actually want this.”

Jason rolls his eyes, but his face is fond at the affection Roy has for him and serious when he grips Roy’s shoulders.

“I want this,” he says. “I want you to see this, even if I hate it.”

Roy nods as Jason moves back to pushing Roy’s hands up his chest more and more. Bit by bit the scar reveals itself. A stark comparison to Jason’s skin the flesh of the lines are risen and pink, unlike the sunken white line of the scar on his cheek. When the shirt reaches his pecs Jason raises his arms looking just a bit nervous and Roy pulls the shirt up fully over his head and tosses it to the side. He looks into Jason’s eyes for a moment kissing him lightly before pulling back.

Jason’s arms fall back onto Roy’s shoulders as Roy looks, stares really. Jason is gorgeous, whether he realizes it or not, his chest is strong and defined, hard in all the right places and soft in the right ones too.

He reaches out and traces a finger along the v of the scar first and Jason’s breath catches. He trails it along down the single line of the y and Jason exhales when he reaches the bottom of it just above his waistband.

He looks back up into Jason’s eyes after a moment of just admiring.

“I think you have an eight pack,” he smiles dragging his blunt nails across said eight pack and any and all nervousness clears from Jason’s eyes just like he hoped.

Jason shoves at him playfully.

“Says the guy with biceps that could suffocate me,” he says with his own answering smile, squeezing said biceps.

Roy just shrugs.

“If that’s what you’re into,” he smirks before gripping Jason’s hips and flipping them flat onto the bed. Roy hovers over Jason and settles between his legs then ducks his head and kisses at the top of the right side of the v of the scar, he looks up as he moves down and Jason nods his head pushing his fingers into Roy’s red locks.

He places soft kisses till he hits where the v meets the line and works his way back up the other side, he kisses Jason once on the lips quick and hot before moving back to where the v and line meet. Jason’s breathing gets heavier with each kiss, his grip on Roy’s hair a little tighter as Roy places burning open mouthed kisses all the way down holding eye contact as much as he can.

Roy worships this piece of Jason that he hates about himself all the way down and then gets to worshipping some more.

**4**

It’s definitely the most surprising thing in the world when about a year after he and Jason get together Jade leaves a nearly three-year-old on his doorstep, says ‘her names Lian, she’s yours’ and disappears into the night. Adapting to fatherhood overnight is a challenge, but Lian being the sweetest kid in the world makes it a little easier.

Jason makes it easier too, having a quick and easy rapport with Lian that warms Roy from the inside out. He’s not around as much as Roy would like though, having Lian means staying put in one place and with bridges between him and Ollie mended, Star City feels like the place to do that. Which leaves Jason to pick up the left behind promises of their Outlaw work on his own.

Roy’s focus is on Lian 100%, raising her, getting to know her and letting her get to know him, it’s only at night long after she’s gone to bed that he lets himself worry about Jason being out there without Roy to watch his back.

Lian’s been with them nearly five months when Jason puts her to bed one night and then heads out the door for a mission that quote, “Won’t take more than a week.”

One week somehow turns into nearly three months and with sparse contact Roy’s starting to worry Jason isn’t actually coming home. That he signed up for the former drug addict vigilante boyfriend, not the former drug addict vigilante boyfriend with a kid, that he’s dumped Roy without telling him and decided to be a shadowy uncle figure to Lian more than the other parent Roy was hoping he’d be.

He says just as much when he finally hears from Jason one night, a phone call at nearly four in the morning waking him.

“That’s not it Roy, I swear the last thing I want is to leave you. To leave either of you,” Jason says on the other side of the phone. _You already have_ he almost says and it takes most of his self-restraint to hold it in. Jason sounds like he’s in a cave, which he very well could be, he also sounds exhausted and most importantly openly truthful which is the only thing that keeps biting words he’ll regret in Roy’s mouth.

“So, what is it then Jaybird?” Roy asks and Jason starts to answer when a shot goes off and he hangs up promising Roy he’ll be safe and that they’ll talk later.

Later, turns out to be the next night when Jason drops onto the fire escape of the loft, so lightly that most people wouldn’t even know he was there. He crawls in through the window and Roy doesn’t even turn around from where he’s finishing up the dishes.

Lian however has a different reaction as she comes barricading down the stairs toothbrush still hanging loosely from her mouth.

“JayJay!” she shouts and Roy hears the moment she barrels into Jason’s legs. Roy turns just in time to see Jason’s face light up as he leans down and lifts her into his arms. He’s still in his Red Hood gear sans the guns, gloves and helmet which means he either stopped at the safehouse he still keeps in the city despite having technically moved into the loft or he snuck into the lower floor, a space closed off to Lian, that’s also theirs where safes and cases hold all their vigilante gear and Roy’s many tinkering projects.

Well almost closed off to Lian, she’s figured out the passcode twice already smart little thing she is. She vaguely knows that daddy and JayJay and basically everyone in her life are superheroes, but Roy still wants to keep her distant from the realities of that for as long as he can.

“Hey, princess,” he says fondly as she wraps her tiny arms around his neck her toothbrush that she’s now holding in her hand poking Jason in the back of the head. Roy walks out into the living room getting a little closer to them. He longs to reach out and touch, but he’s also kind of pissed at Jason so he stays back arms crossed. “I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too,” she sighs leaning her head on Jason’s cheek. “You’ve been gone one million years.”

Jason chuckles at that shifting to kiss her hair.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that,” he says and while he’s saying it to Lian his eyes look up and meet Roy’s two sincere pools of remorse. And just like that Roy is a little less angry. They watch each other for a long moment before Roy breaks the spells and tilts his head towards Lian.

“It’s still bedtime for you, kiddo,” he says pulling the toothbrush from her hand. She whines into Jason’s shoulder. “No arguing about it.”

“Fine, daddy,” she huffs pulling her head up and shooting a toothy grin at Jason. “But, JayJay has to take me and he has to tell me a story, because he’s been gone one million years and owes me one million bedtime stories.”

Jason snorts, but concedes.

“Well I better get started then,” he says hoisting her up and over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, Lian giggles all the way up the stairs as he goes.

Roy watches them fondly then heads back into the kitchen, he finishes up the dishes and just as he’s settled onto the couch remote in hand Jason comes back down the stairs. He takes a seat on the coffee table directly in front of Roy and takes the remote from his hand flicking off the tv.

“I know I fucked up,” he says without any preamble.

“She asleep?” Roy asks deflecting even though he knows the answer.

Jason nods. “Half of her favorite Clifford book and she was out like a light.”

“All the excitement of seeing you finally after so long tired her out,” Roy says and maybe it’s a little unfair to bring up how Jason being gone didn’t just affect him, but he’s still kinda pissed so he does it anyways.

“I know and again I know I fucked up,” he says running a frustrated hand through his hair, the bit that’s white flipping down onto his forehead. “I’m sorry. I know me being gone like that affects you both and I shouldn’t have just dropped off the face of the earth, it’s not fair to either of you and I’m sorry.” He says genuine and heartfelt.

“I’m sorry I left for what should have been a week’s mission and I kept picking up new work on purpose to stay away,” he continues on not taking a break for Roy to chime in. “I had no intention to make it seem like I was breaking up with you or like Lian was too much to handle, I never wanted you to think that and yet, because I stayed away that’s exactly what I did.”

“Jaybird,” Roy starts and Jason waves.

“No, don’t let me off the hook on this one, I owe you about as many apologies as I owe her bedtime stories to make up for it, so let me just explain,” Jason pleads firmly, Roy does a go on gesture in response. “I was running, but not because this,” he says waving at the general vicinity, the loft, their life together, their family. “Was too much, I was running because as much as I love you, as much as I love that little girl, I’m not someone who should be around a kid all the time.”

Roy wants to interrupt, so very badly. To say he’s exactly who Roy wants around his kid all the time, but he bites his tongue and let’s Jason go on.

“I’m a dead man walking, figuratively and sometimes literally, I’ve got loads of family trauma and that’s not even the start of the trauma, sometimes I wake up screaming and I come home with blood that isn’t mine on my hands. She’s not scared of the scars, but one day she’s gonna ask about that one on my chest and I’m so damn worried it’ll scare her when she knows how I got it. I ran because I don’t want to be the reason she gets messed up, you’re so good Roy and you’re going to raise her to be so good, so I ran because I’m absolutely terrified that I’ll mess all of that up.”

With every word he says Roy’s anger falls away a little bit more. Jason takes a deep breath before saying one last thing.

“It was different when it was just you and me, you can handle me and not many people can, you’re a stubborn bastard who puts up with my shit, but she’s just a kid and she shouldn’t have to handle all that.”

It’s like he runs out of steam after that, slumping forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

“Jay,” Roy says leaning forward thinking about what exactly to say. Jason had listened to every fear, every anxiety as it poured out of him when Lian showed up in his life. About how much of a failure he’d thought he’d be as a father and Jason had wiped away every single one of those doubts. All the while Jason had his own and he’d buried them deep focusing everything on what Roy needed. He’s so damn good too and Roy wishes he could see that.

“Do you remember the first thing I said the night Jade left Lian with me?” he settles on asking eventually.

Jason looks up from where he’d been studying his knees.

“You asked me what the hell you were gonna do when one day she asked about your track marks, about the vaults of weapons and about your parents, you asked me how the hell you were supposed to pull off being a dad with everything you’d messed up before in your life.”

Roy nods, “And what did you tell me?”

“That’d you tell her the truth because that’s what she deserves and because you’d raise her in a way to know that sometimes people aren’t okay and that’s okay. It’s about who they are, not any mistake they’ve made or trauma they have. That you’re a good man who’ll make mistakes, but get it all right where it counted most in the end.”

“Exactly,” Roy says reaching out and grabbing both of Jason’s hands. “You could stand to listen to your own advice right about now.” He pauses tugging at Jason’s hands so that he moves in even closer. “I can raise her alone if I have to, she comes first now, she has to, but dammit Jay I don’t want to have to, I want to do this with you. That little girl adores you Jason and there’s no nightmare or scar that’s going to change that. So, I’ll only ask this once, I get that sometimes our lives, our jobs are going to take you away, but stay? Permanently here in Star, with me, with us?”

Roy offers everything he has, the life he wants out to Jason on a platter and Jason closes his eyes and nods taking it all without question.

“I’ll stay and I’ll try to listen to my own advice,” Jason promises tipping his forehead to Roy’s.

**5**

“I’m sorry Mr. Harper and Mr. Todd,” the secretary says sounding genuine. Her boss left a lot to be desired over the phone however and when they attempted to talk to him face to face every day this week they’ve been stonewalled at every turn.

A grade school principal shouldn’t be this hard to talk to, Roy’s dealt with mob bosses that were easier to get access to.

Roy turns and looks at Lian sitting out in the hallway a lollipop in her mouth from the nurse after she’d cleaned her cuts from being pushed into gravel by a boy in her class for the second time in a week, her feet swinging happily. Any upset from the incident has already left her mind, even if it absolutely hasn’t left theirs.

Roy looks at Jason, his fingers gripped in the wood of the desk he’s leaning on. He’s suddenly very glad Jason doesn’t have any weapons on him or else he’s certain he’d storm into the principal’s office private meeting be damned and threaten the man without hesitation.

He grips Jason’s arm giving a last thank you to the secretary and pulling him into the hall to take Lian home.

Jason’s quiet most of the ride home and through dinner that night it isn’t until Lian’s gone to bed that Roy asks. They’ve been together long enough now that he’s not worried he’ll scare Jason off if he pushes a bit for some vulnerability.

“You okay?” he asks. “I get it, I’m pissed too, but Lian’s okay and parent-teacher conferences are Monday, the principal and that kids’ parents won’t be able to avoid us, we’ll cause a big scene, it’ll be fun.” 

“I know, and I can’t wait,” he smiles, but then switches gears. “It’s just I used to be the kid that got picked on, I know this kid with Lian is just shoving her to be a dick and he’s done it to damn near every kid in the grade and it isn’t any deeper, but still. First I was the little didn’t know he was gay skinny boy with the messed-up mom and the dad in prison and then Bruce took me in and I was that kid, but in a school with a bunch of uppity rich kids and it got worse.”

Roy never really got picked on, he was the fun guy always willing to provide a helping hand that eventually became the kid with a mind too smart, too quick for any school Oliver could stick him in and ended up being the fun time at any party to the detriment of his own well being.

“I’m fine for the record, I guess it just threw me, I forget about stuff like that sometimes, normal kid stuff that happened to me,” Jason says shrugging it off.

Roy gets up from his chair and slides into Jason’s lap.

“Want me to track those kids down that were mean to you and beat them up?” he smiles rubbing his nose against Jason’s.

“Nah,” he says kissing the tip of Roy’s nose. “I actually got to shoot one in the kneecap at an illegal meta fighting ring once and that was pretty cathartic. Thanks though.”

**+1**

Roy seems off all week, off in a way that he hasn’t been in years. Jason wants to bring it up, but between patrolling, helping Ollie and Dinah keep a new big bad under control and Lian’s first week at a new school where hopefully she won’t be bored with the work they give due to the fact her mind is just as quick and brilliant as her Roy’s he never gets to ask.

By Friday though, Roy seems better, especially after a lunch with Waylon, his sponsor that Jason has to shamefully still catch himself when he says Killer Croc instead of his actual given name every time he’s brought up.

Jason’s just finished putting Lian to bed when he comes downstairs and finds Roy expertly cleaning Jason’s guns. They’re not set to go out tonight so his usual pieces of weaponry are all laid out, Friday’s date night or family night for Red Hood and Arsenal; Oliver, Dinah, Connor and Emiko have things covered.

Roy’s not a gun guy, he learned the bow and dammit he’s the best at it, but much in the same way that Jason knows exactly how to replace a bowstring Roy can clean a gun like a professional. They’ve learned each other in so many important ways.

Jason leans against the stair rail and suddenly realizes why Roy gets that heated look in his eyes when he watches Jason cleans his guns. There’s something inherently sexy about Roy’s hands moving swiftly dismantling each piece, cleaning it and putting it all back together without even taking his eyes off the television in front of him. It probably says something fucked up about Jason tying danger and attraction together, but it’s far too late in the evening to delve into his psyche and his attention needs to be focused on Roy right now.

“You keep staring like that and I’m gonna charge admission,” Roy says not breaking in the slightest from his task at hand. Jason snorts and moves forward sitting next to him on the couch.

“Hey, it’s been a crazy week and I should have asked sooner, but are you okay?” Jason asks reaching out and gripping Roy’s thigh.

Roy pauses and sits the gun he’s working on down on the table in front of him.

“And here I thought we were so busy this week, I could hide it from you,” Roy sighs falling back into the couch. “Damn, Bats and their keen eyes.”

Jason huffs, “That sounds like a me move.”

Roy tilts his head towards Jason and sighs again. “Yeah, well occasionally I can be withholding too.”

He can, it’s just so rare that when it does happen it throws Jason for a loop. Jason’s the one who Roy has to pry open with, so ironically and somewhat morbidly, a crowbar. Roy’s the one who talks, who says how he feels, expresses easily when he’s not okay and tells any story without hesitation. He’s an open book, but every now and then he seals a few chapters under lock and key.

“Want to talk about it?” he asks, giving a light push, but an exit if he’s not ready as well just like Roy always gives him.

“It’s just been one of those weeks,” he sighs again. “No reason for it, no trigger, but I just felt the itch under my skin to get a drink or something else to take off the edge. I know it’s never going to leave me, not completely, but it’s been so long since I felt it and needed more than one quick meeting to shake it off.”

Jason rubs his hand up and down Roy’s thigh comfortingly urging him to continue.

“I’m okay now, Waylon helped talk me through it over the phone and today at lunch today and I hit a couple meetings earlier in the week while you were out patrolling with Con. It was just a lot and there was so much going on I didn’t want you worrying about me on top of everything else,” he says with a smile gripping Jason’s hand that’s on his thigh.

“You never have to hide how you’re feeling from me. We fight criminals with no morals every day, I’m already worried about you I can take a little extra on,” Jason says squeezing Roy’s hand.

“I know,” Roy says and he sounds good, clearer and more open than he has all week. He lifts back up and kisses Jason on the cheek once quick, before leaning forward to finish cleaning the unloaded guns. Jason watches as he does eyes occasionally flicking to the tv, the same cooking show they weren’t paying attention to years ago on the screen. Jason remembers the night a few months into their partnership when he stopped being so withholding, when he felt brave enough and comfortable enough with Roy to let a little truth that not many knew seep out.

He didn’t realize it then, but it was a turning point for them, it was the night Jason stopped just looking at Roy as a fellow Outlaw, but as something more. It strikes Jason how that was the night whether he was consciously aware of it or not that he knew he always wanted Roy by his side.

Roy packs the guns up in their case when he’s finished about to move to put them where they belong downstairs when Jason shifts and sits on the coffee table in front of Roy, a position akin to another turning point in their time together.

“Marry me?” he says simple and easy, a vulnerable question he’d never dreamt of asking anyone, but could only ever ask Roy. They’ve been together eight years, a couple for most of those years and frankly they’re more married than some of the married people Jason knows. Hell they’ve shared a bank account since two months after they first started working together alone.

Roy chuckles, “Sure thing, let me just go put these in the vault in the workshop first.”

Jason shakes his head and scoots forward to the edge of the table bracing his hands on Roy’s thighs keeping him in place.

“You should do that,” he says. “But in a minute, because I’m serious.”

Roy squints one eye silently gaging whether Jason really is serious or not. After a few moments he must reach a decision because he lets out a slow breath Jason didn’t realize he’d been holding.

“Holy shit you are serious,” Roy say putting his hands on Jason’s face and pulling him in for a kiss. They pull back much sooner than Jason would like both smiling a bit too much to really keep kissing.

“Is that a yes?”

“Long as you’re not proposing to me just because I had a shitty week,” Roy smiles the green in his eyes shining bright.

“I mean it’s on the list, but there’s other stuff too,” Jason jokes and Roy chuckles before pulling Jason into his lap.

“Then it’s a yes, but you owe me a ring before we tell Lian or she’ll never let you live it down,” Roy smiles kissing Jason before he can respond.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: [alecmagnuslwb](https://alecmagnuslwb.tumblr.com/)


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